When It's Time to Die...and Ultrarunning

Via Alternet, a very thought-provoking article.

You know, don't you, that you are gonna die.  So will I.  So will everyone we know.  I reason that the only sane way to approach that finality is to try to learn a bit from those who have journeyed closer to that point than I have.

 

5 Top Regrets People Have At the End of Their Lives | Alternet

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives.

She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called  Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called  The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

 

 

And my dying wish, through the lens of Ultrarunning?  Likely when it's quitting time, I'll wish I would have run more with people.  Not run more, or run less, but to have spent more time with other runners.  Sure, you've got that whole "loneliness of the long-distance runner" thingy going, and it has its appeal.  But the older I get, the more I appreciate and want the companionability of companions.

 

Hey, wait--I could do that now.

 

 

Tales from the Perimeter: Self-Endorsement

Perimeter meaning the 6 mile patrol road inside the fence of the military installation on which I work, where some half a dozen of us comprise a pool of running “talent” and strive to show up for a noontime run a couple times a week if we can escape our desks. We share a lot and these guys are one of the core pillars of my sanity.


Have you ever had a running bond, with either an individual or a group, that was important to you?  If so, you know what I'm talking about.  I used to totally get into the so-called loneliness of the long-distance runner thing and spend mots of my miles solo, but the older I get, I increasingly appreciate me some camaraderie.

Here's a strong endorsement of our little noontime perimeter running group that made my eyes glisten just a bit, from the esteemed member "Horse":

Damn good run, and many thanks to you boyz, who ran, rain, shine, hot, cold, thunder lightnin....whatever....like brothers, we were there.......enjoyed that camaraderie....

 

In Praise of the Running Buddy

Used to be that I embodied the whole "loneliness of the long-distance runner" thing.  Running odd distances at odd times at odd places was the basic theme, and synching up with someone to run with was mighty difficult, just from a logistical perspective. 

Moreover, I just liked running alone.  Me and my thoughts.  Want to add a loop?  Just do it.  Bushwhack to intersect another trail?  Done, and a fine adventure to boot.

But now I prize the easy companionship of running with friends.  Yesterday I ran with my noontime running buddies from work, and it was as easy as Sunday morning.

I'm working on a longer post on this theme next week.