Emptying Bedpans: An Appropriate Result

My posting plan for today was to go for the trifecta--a third scatological post in a row--by resurrecting a post from a couple of summers ago that dealt with the causes and cure of chafing related to, well, poop.

I will do that reposting below, because it was one of my most popular posts in terms of hits, but first I felt obliged to make a comment about the grand opening on Thursday of the George W. Bush presidential library in Texas.

It strikes me as ironic--or unjust is perhaps a better term--that this joker, who by any sane definition is a war criminal, is walking around today a free man.  He should have a life sentence of community service emptying bedpans in VA hospitals for the soldiers he is responsible for maiming.

[click to enlarge...image credit Daily Kos, Iraq War Ten Years Later]

 

Enough politics.  Without further ado, the repost of Chafing and Pooping:

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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Chafing and Pooping: An Ultrarunner's Guide

This'll be easy and you'll thank me profusely someday.

Warning: this is somewhat graphic, but hey, we're all athletes here trying to solve a mechanical problem, right? No need to be embarrassed.

On long runs, particularly in warm weather when your clothing gets wet from sweat, some chafing is inevitable. Such chafing usually affects the inner thighs, the butt crack, the nipples, and/or the armpits.

Chafing: Possible solutions that work for me. Your mileage may vary, and you may feel free to mix-n-match my solution with other body parts. Repeat as needed.

1. Inner thighs: I now use biking type running shorts in the summer for long runs--chafing problems are eliminated. If you use traditional nylon running shorts with a built-in brief or panty, lube up with a roll-on product like Body Glide.

2. Butt crack: Apply Body Glide, and also lube up with a 1" dab of A + D Ointment (see here where I call it the Magic Elixir)

3. Nipples: Forget lubes, slap on a waterproof Band-Aid. Done!

4. Armpits: Lube up with a 1/2" dab of Vaseline or A + D Ointment.


Pooping: This stuff is caustic. Ever see a baby's butt with diaper rash? You probably will need to poop in the woods sometime. While it really is no big deal, you do want to minimize any possibility of rash. So do this: forget carrying toilet paper, just do your thing and then use a stick or leaves to scrape off the excess. Then wash your butt with water from your bottle or a mud puddle (your hand will obviously then also need washed). Then apply a 1" dab of A + D Ointment. Repeat as needed.