More Local Hooftie News...and Ultrarunning

Heres' yet another example from my local paper, of the local crazies.  This scanned from the Chambersburg Public Opinion on 8 Jan 2013:



Well, if Celia has never been to jail, well, 2013 will indeed be different.

Oh, and the editing geek in me dictates that I quibble about the exact phrasing.  Perhaps the paper simply prints police reports verbatim with no editing, but it kinda makes me wonder whether Celia may have meant that whatever change she imagined, it was going to happen specifically at 1:09 am on 31 Dec.

Oh, and the link to Ultrarunning? There seemingly are a lot of hillbillies around here, and sometimes I do think about encountering some of them on the trail. The good news is that such "hoofties," as a friend calls them, only go into the woods to party and then only close by a trailhead.

 

Another Stupid Fire

I have previously blogged twice about local stupid fire stories, which surely will garner a Pulitzer Prize for the Chambersburg Public Opinion, my local newspaper.

In case you failed to bookmark those great posts, those stories were "Flaming Boxer Shorts Used to Start Fire" and "Blowing Up a Car With Flaming Tampons."

Anyway, from the 9 Dec edition of the Public Opinion, a third landmark story: "Drunk, Bored, Tired Man Admits to Car Arson":

A Waynesboro man who admitted to setting a woman's car on fire when he was "drunk, bored and tired" is set for a preliminary hearing in Franklin County Court Tuesday.    Vito Anthony Marchese, 57, reportedly told police he was jealous of a man he thinks "may have a thing going" with the woman who owns the car. He communicated with police by writing notes because he is deaf and mute. Waynesboro Police Sgt. Michael W. Bock, a certified fire and explosive investigator, was asked to investigate the vehicle fire on 23 N. Church St., Waynesboro Aug. 22. The vehicle - a 2006 Dodge Stratus - had a rag hanging out of the fuel fill on the driver's side of the vehicle. Firefighters put out the fire with a small amount of water to preserve any evidence, Bock said.   Upon investigation, Bock suspected that someone intentionally started the fire.   Emphasis was mine in the final para above. Do ya think? Or did a flaming rag just kinda innocently make its way into the gas fill pipe?

Flaming Boxer Shorts Used to Start Fire...and Ultrarunning

From the local paper last week on 18 March, the Chambersburg Public Opinion, we have another stupid fire story, entitled Flaming Boxer Shorts Used to Start Fire; 3 Arrested.  No, the story itself is well done; it's the crime described that is stupid.  I previously blogged about another stupid fire here, where some local dummies tried to blow up a car with flaming tampons.

In this latest stupid fire incident, 3 stooges set a couple cars afire with flaming boxer shorts:

Armstrong allegedly told police that he and the brothers had taken part in setting the vehicles on fire. He said they were "looking at scrap" when they approached the Talon and Joshua Jones pulled a pair of "boxer style" briefs out of the truck.

"Armstrong indicated that he used his lighter to ignite the briefs, which were thrown back into the trunk area of the vehicle by Joshua Jones," the affidavit states. He added that Jason Jones poured a liquid into the vehicle before the flaming underwear were thrown in.

Jason and Joshua Jones told police that they met at Armstrong's home to go to the salvage yard. They said Jason Jones had poured "tire shine" onto some clothing inside the car and they left the scene when the fire spread to the second vehicle.

All three men are charged with third-degree felony arson. They are also charged with misdemeanors including reckless endangerment, criminal trespass and criminal mischief.

This fire behavior seems like it may be a regular occurrence locally, and so may become a regular feature here at Mister Tristan (the blog, not the 4-year-old human being).  I will continue to scan the paper and keep you all informed.

Oh, and the link to Ultrarunning?  There seemingly are a lot of hillbillies around here, and sometimes I do think about encountering some of them on the trail.  The good news is that such "hoofties," as a friend calls them, only go into the woods to party and then only close by a trailhead.

So the chances are excellent of never seeing a hooftie in the backcountry, and if you do, you have a secret weapon: the ability to run.

Blowing Up a Car With Flaming Tampons...and Ultrarunning

From the Chambersburg (PA) Public Opinion, my local paper, a tale of a hapless couple:

A man and woman are charged with vandalizing a car and trying blow it up with flaming tampons outside a Metal Township bar.

Patricia Elyse Deshong, 25, of 8962 Pleasant Ridge Road, Harrisonville, and Quentin Adam Deshong, 22, of 196 N. Clear Ridge Road, Hustontown, are charged in the Jan. 7 incident, according to police charging documents.

 Troopers located the Deshongs outside the tavern and arrested them. According to the affidavit, they were intoxicated.

[Patricia Deshong] is also accused of threatening to kill Trooper Gregory Strayer while she was secured to a prisoner bench at the Chambersburg station.

 

 Suffice it to say that these people are not rocket scientists.  They tried to ignite tampons stuffed into the gas fill pipe and the oil fill pipe, but the car failed to catch fire, much less blow up.

Susceptibility to detonation is in inverse proportion to real life.  In other words, in the movies, cars seemingly spontaneously burst into flames, particularly when zooming off a cliff into space.  In the real world, flaming cars are fairly uncommon.

Except on trails. I can't count the number of times I've had to dodge blown up or still-flaming cars in the backcountry.  Probably even more common than roots or rocks. 

So whenever well-meaning people (non-runners) tell us we better be careful out there, Ultra folk, flaming cars are what they're probably talking about.