Coping With Death....Thoughts a Week After 9-11

Just read and appreciated a post by Jill at Brilliant at Breakfast on 11 Sep 2010, entitled “My heretical view: One more year, and that's it,” discussing why we need to get over 9-11.

I'm not saying we should forget what happened nine years ago today. You don't forget something like that any more than those who were at Pearl Harbor and survived ever forgot that. But the names of the Pearl Harbor dead aren't read annually in perpetuity either.

A friend of mine lost her 24-year-old daughter very unexpectedly a few years ago. One day her daughter was here, and the next she was gone. One of our colleagues said something at the time that I thought was very wise. She said "You never really get over it, but you find a place for it -- like a room in your mind that you visit every now and then." When we both started work at the same place after being laid off, my friend wondered how to answer the question about how many children she has. After all, she didn't want to pretend that her daughter had never existed, but didn't want to have to be "The Woman Whose Daughter Died." My friend is not "The Woman Whose Daughter Died." She's a colleague, a professional, a mother to her remaining daughter, a friend, someone with interests and plans for the future -- someone with a life.

The aspect of the post dealing with 9-11 resonated with me (but I didn't have a loved one there).  But the part I really thought was good was this quote: "You never really get over it, but you find a place for it -- like a room in your mind that you visit every now and then."  I'll try to remember that when next I am touched by the death of someone close.