Monday, January 5, 2015

NFL Team Names Sorted by Machismo...and Ultrarunning

Once in an NCAA basketball pool I simply made my picks based upon whose team name was more macho. While I did not come very close to winning, I did go much farther in the pool that year than many who were actually followers of the college game.  For example, the Kentucky Wildcats would beat the Georgetown Hoyas (whatever the hell a Hoya is).

Now my beloved Steelers got whacked in the first round of the NFL playoffs (they were either brilliant or flat all season, and unfortunately were the latter for the playoffs).  To compensate, I must have something football-related to occupy my time.  Since the notion of team names has my interest, I decide to take a look at the NFL.

First, here are all 32 teams alphabetically by geographic name.  I was gonna say "by city" but then we have 5 oddballs.  These include the three with state teams: Arizona, Minnesota, and Tennessee.  Then we have the pair of even geographically bigger teams: Carolina and New England.

Baltimore Ravens  
Buffalo Bills
Cincinnati Bengals
Cleveland Browns
Denver Broncos
Houston Texans
Indianapolis Colts
Jacksonville Jaguars
Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins
New England Patriots
New York Jets
Oakland Raiders
Pittsburgh Steelers
San Diego Chargers
Tennessee Titans

Arizona Cardinals  
Atlanta Falcons
Carolina Panthers
Chicago Bears
Dallas Cowboys
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Packers
Minnesota Vikings
New Orleans Saints
New York Giants
Philadelphia Eagles
San Francisco 49ers
Seattle Seahawks
St. Louis Rams
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Washington Redskins

OK, here's how I sorted them out by nickname.  You certainly can disagree but you'd be wrong, because, after all, this is my blog!

There are 3 major groups, Human, Animal, Other:

1. Humans fall into one of 3 groups, Heroes, Antiheroes, and Native Americans:



--49ers (the whole get-rich-quick thing)
--Bills (named after the wanton buffalo slaughterer Bill Cody)

Native Americans
--Washington (I won't use the R word, sorry)

2. Animals fall into about 4 groups, Fierce Birds, Big Kitties, Other Big Macho Critters, and Cute Animals:

Fierce Birds

Big Kitties

Other Big Macho Critters

Cute Animals

3. Other...obviously there has to be an Other:
--Jets (seriously, you named your team after an airplane?)
--Browns (founder's name)
--Chargers (the owner liked the bugle call Charge!)

That's about it.  I was going to discuss how the Hero and Antihero categories are surely point-of-view dependent.  For example, Texans and Cowboys seem all-American...but maybe not if you're a Native American.  And the Patriots seem OK...until you think about the British, who would see them as ruffians.  Saints seem safe, until you consider all the bad stuff that religion has perpetrated over the centuries.

You get the idea.

The link to Ultrarunning is that I still hope to see one of the big kitties while running.  Thus far I've seen nothing larger than a bobcat.  And I surely don't want to see a Viking (think Ragnor Lothbrok) along the trail!

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