Haven't Posted on Chuck Norris in Awhile

I'm sorry--and this must be a profoundly deep-seated character flaw--but I just can't help liking Chuck Norris jokes...and inflicting them upon you.  Though, truth be told, you have sufficient recourse: liberal use of the DELETE key, or simply not clicking in the first place.

So, here are a new newer ones.  My personal fav is the last one:

--10 Mar 2015: Chuck Norris celebrated his 75th birthday. Or should I say, 75 celebrated  Chuck Norris' birthday. 

--Chuck Norris wears sunglasses so that his eyes won't hurt the sun.

--When Google has a question, they "Norris" it. 

--Chuck Norris can sing sign language and capitalize numbers.

--Chuck Norris knows the location of the undisclosed location.

--Chuck Norris can slap the headless horseman.

--On the day God created Adam and Eve, Chuck Norris stopped by with a tray of cookies.

You're welcome.

Another Golf Ball, This One Ominous

Another in my continuing insightful reporting on the phenomenon of golf balls found while running.  If you recall my post from last March, here, I speculated that these might actually be disguised alien eggs awaiting the master signal to hatch...and humankind may be no more.

Found last Friday, only a mile from my house as the crow flies.  Again, no homes or habitation nearby, certainly no golf courses within 10 miles:

 

[image credit Gary]

 

Why do I use the term ominous in my subject line?

Well, either Chuck Norris has been golfing again...or this "golf ball"--really an egg--has in fact hatched.  I fear for the children.

 

Chuck Norris Has Been Playing With Trains Again

Photo by Gary

Photo by Gary

Photo by Mister Tristan (the 4-year old human being, not the blog)

Shots taken just north of Greencastle, PA.  I didn't know Chuck was in the area, or that he was pissed.  Of course, ill-tempered is probably his normal state of mind.

The link to Ultrarunning is that many of my preferred routes, either locally or when I travel, involve either real trains or rails-to-trails routes.  One of Norfolk Southern's main lines thru southern PA into Maryland/points south lays 1/2 mile from my home (it's the line shown here).  I have to cross it to get anywhere to the west.

Growing up as I did in western PA, railroads were an integral part of my childhood.  I remain fascinated with them, retaining the wonder I felt as a boy.  And anytime I can integrate a run with a railroad, I'm happy.

 

Tales from the Perimeter: Chuck Norris Cat

Image credit here.

Perimeter meaning the 6 mile patrol road inside the fence of the military installation on which I work, where some half a dozen of us comprise a pool of running “talent” and strive to show up for a noontime run a couple times a week if we can escape our desks. We share a lot and these guys are one of the core pillars of my sanity.

The following is an email I sent to my running buddies the other day.  By way of introductory explanation, for some inexplicable reason, I am totally smitten by Chuck Norris jokes.  I LOVE them.  On the other hand, one of our group (Jack), does not embrace Chuck Norris jokes whatsoever.  He is not neutral on the subject: he doesn't like them, doesn't get them, and doesn't think they are funny.

Jack, of course, is dead wrong.

Oh, and "The Horse" is a retired member of our group, with a build like a linebacker but still a very good runner.

Running Homies,

This one is especially for Jack, since he no doubt has been on Chuck Norris deprivation during his recent cruise with the lovely bride. Jack, I know you declared a CN moratorium but I BEG you to make an exception in this case and view the attached photo.

Obviously (and sadly), the dog, of course, did not survive the roundhouse kick.

I am on travel this week to the Springfield VA area, and tonight--in honor of The Horse--I elected to stay at the hotel and enjoy a couple beers rather than try to run on streets around this god-forsaken semi-urban hellhole.

Regards/Gary

My apologies to any readers who live, work, or run in the greater DC area.  When I use the term "semi-urban hellhole" it only means in contrast to my rural existence, where running on the rural roads around my home, I usually encounter maybe 1 car per mile. 

   

Tales from the Perimeter: Sistine Chapel

(Photo credit Wikipedia)

Perimeter meaning the 6 mile patrol road inside the fence of the military installation on which I work, where some half a dozen of us comprise a pool of running “talent” and strive to show up for a noontime run a couple times a week if we can escape our desks. We share a lot and these guys are one of the core pillars of my sanity. See also here for a previous post that I sorta like.

One of our running group, KK, passed along a link to a virtual tour of the Sistine Chapel.  It is magnificent.

One his motives was to bust me--pointing out all the naked guys on the ceiling--because he knows that gay rights are important to me. 

That's OK, because I was able to work in a Chuck Norris joke in response:

Contrary to most expert opinion, Michelangelo did not do the painting at the Sistine Chapel. Chuck Norris held loaded paintbrushes between his toes and roundhouse-kicked the images onto the walls and ceilings.

Instructions for the site:  Hold Your Left Mouse Button and Move your mouse around. You can zoom in or out. You can also change the mode of the mouse-lower left hand corner. I found this to be helpful because it moved fast and far before I changed the mode.

 

Tales From The Perimeter: Chuck Norris, and Thanksgiving

Perimeter meaning the 6 mile patrol road inside the fence of the military installation on which I work, where some half a dozen of us comprise a pool of running “talent” and strive to show up for a noontime run a couple times a week if we can escape our desks. We share a lot and these guys are one of the core pillars of my sanity. See also here for a previous post that I sorta like.


A quick story from last week. Here's an email I sent after the fact to my lunchtime running buddies:

Despite the howling gale, I ran alone on Wed to uphold the honor of the tribe.

Back to Tuesday's run in the rain (KK, JH and I being the hardy ones), I have a profound observation: we got wet. But if Chuck Norris had run with us, he wouldn't have gotten wet--the rain would have gotten Chuck Norrised.

This makes 2 runs in a row with less than optimal conditions. I'm glad I'm a macho man. Today should be a pretty fine day to run, see ya later.

Regards/Gary

I love these guys, with whom we have literally shared blood, sweat, and tears. My Thanksgiving wish for you out there is that you are fortunate enough to have running buddies in your life who are half the people these guys are.

Chuck Norris

(Photo credit http://www.chucknorris.com/html/shopping4.html)

(Note: will hold off on additional Umstead 100 Mile Endurance Run posting until official reuslts are on the race web site.  In the meanwhile, enjoy the humor!)

Now I know that Chuck Norris is no longer a Hollywood A-List actor, commanding huge fees for every movie.  But I do confess that I do enjoy reruns of his action flicks from the 80s and 90s (this despite my dislike of his politics).

That said, for some reason, the 8th grade kid I am mentoring is really big on Chuck Norris at the moment.  I have no idea why, and if all this was big several years ago, I completely missed it.  Mentee showed me a Chuck Norris humor site (actually there are numerous such sites, due, I suppose, to many poor souls not having lives). If you are interested, just go Google.

Here are some of the quotes that really tickled me.  My fav is the one about revolving doors.  Better not be drinking anything, it may spray out your nose.

--When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

--Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus' birthday. Jesus was too scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

--Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

--Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

--Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford Dictionary will simply change the actual spelling of it.

--In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

--Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

--Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

--After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

--If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.